Blog Post: Treasuring the Cross in Marriage

According to Croatian tradition, when a couple gets married, the priest doesn’t tell them that they have found the perfect person.

Instead, he says to them:

“You have found your cross. It is a cross to love, to carry it with you, a cross that is not to throw away but to treasure.”

In Herzegovina, the Cross represents the greatest love and the crucifix is the treasure of the house.

When the bride and groom enter the church on their wedding day, they carry a crucifix with them. The priest blesses the crucifix. When the time comes to exchange their vows, the bride puts her right hand on the crucifix and the groom puts his hand on hers, so that both hands are joined together on the crucifix.

The priest covers their hands with his stole as they exchange their vows, according to the rite of the Church, to be faithful to each other, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, till death do them part.

(They make their wedding vows with their hands clasped on a crucifix).

Then, instead of kissing each other, the bride and groom kiss the crucifix.

Those who witness the ceremony understand from it that if one of them leaves the other, he or she leaves Christ on the Cross.

After the ceremony, the newlyweds bring the crucifix to their home and put it in a place of honor.

It will forever be the point of reference and the place of family prayer.

In times of difficulty, the family do not go to the lawyer or the psychiatrist, but kneel down together before the crucifix in search of help from Jesus Christ. They kneel down and maybe even cry and open their hearts asking the Lord and each other for forgiveness. They go to sleep with peace in their hearts because they have received forgiveness from the only one who has the power to save.

Husband and wife will teach their children to kiss the crucifix every day and not to go to sleep like pagans, without first giving thanks to Jesus.

They know that Jesus is holding them in His arms and there is nothing to fear.

Interestingly, the meaningful tradition comes from a small town in the neighboring country of Bosnia and Herzegovina, called Siroki-Brijeg, which has about 30,000 inhabitants. And in this town, which is predominantly Catholic, there is a zero divorce rate, according to NC Register.

Perhaps these marriages are so successful because couples work hard at their marriages. Or maybe it’s because they invited Christ to be at the heart of their union from the very beginning.

The notion of the “Marriage Crucifix,” and the symbolism of the Cross, is in fact reminiscent of what St. Augustine said about marriage:

“Like a bridegroom Christ went forth from his chamber…. He came to the marriage-bed of the cross, and there in mounting it, he consummated his marriage. And when he perceived the sighs of the creature, he lovingly gave himself up to the torment in place of his bride, and joined himself to [her] forever.”

The sacrificial love of Jesus invites couples to embrace the sacrifices they will have to make in their own marriages. And by acknowledging that marriage is not always an easy road to take together, the Marriage Crucifix allows couples to lean on the example set by Christ Himself, throughout their lives together.

After all, Jesus told us, “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24).

Resources used: Cerith Gardner @ Aletia (click here), Joseph Pronechen @ NCR (click here)